24
Sep
Days passed by, and I wept in sadness for their loss. Months strolled along, and I waved goodbye with my heart aching. Years disappeared into the mists, and I bawled openly. I saw friends come and go, family born and dying, the kindness of strangers, all the little acts of life. But I was not in any of these scenes. I had been redacted, removed from life by fate.
I watched from the sidelines now, seeing life as it would have been without me. I lived a movie, seeing someone else take my place, take over the actions I once made. I saw other men father my children, other men raise them, and I shuddered inside. I saw my wife beaten, and I howled in rage, but could do nothing.
Every day that I watched became an agony, and when the story of my life had swept before my eyes and I had been tortured once more, the reel would flicker, and then it would start again, another telling of my family’s life without me. Each was subtly different, and all horrible. Eventually, I began to doubt my own existence, to wonder if I had ever met my wife or had children.
I wished for the peace of death, but I long ago had been shown death was no release for me. I shuddered in memory of what had happened to my liver. But this, this was a thousand times worse. I had been let free, given the gift of a normal life, only to have it snatched away at the end and used to torture me again and again.
The movie showed another man meeting my wife for the first time. My heart broke.
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Jim Bronyaur on 09.24.2010
WOW… I don’t think powerful is a good enough word to describe this. Short with so much in it… just WOW.
Jim
Michael Tate on 09.24.2010
Very well done. Best Friday Flash I’ve read so far this morning. Absolutely loved it!
marc nash on 09.24.2010
There is a real metaphysics behind all your work that I’ve read and that’s what rises it above most fiction. The resonance between the lines, the space for the reader to move in & inhabit for themselves.
Marc Nash
John Wiswell on 09.24.2010
Life’s a movie to ghosts. Makes sense to me. This is your best pathos yet, Mr. Four. That last is haunting – pun intended.
The Four Part Land on 09.24.2010
Thank you all very much for the kind comments. I think I got lucky with the inspiration this morning, because it popped into my head fully formed and all I needed to do was get it on paper as quickly as possible. That doesn’t often happen. Usually there’s a few false starts before my #FridayFlash is done.
@Marc I’ve found I like saying as little as possible when it comes to flash pieces. I’ll often leave off an ending, because I don’t want to determine where the story goes. That’s for the reader to do. And sometimes it even works.
@John He’s quite alive. Stuck in Hades somewhere, or on Mt. Olympus, but quite alive. It’s Prometheus being tortured in new and inventive ways. Hence the title and the comment about the liver.
Although I do wonder if the story would be better without the Prometheus references. I’ll have to think on that.
Valerie on 09.24.2010
What a torment. I can’t decide whether it’s better or worse than the standard curse of immortality, and I think it’s worse because at least in the one sense he’d be enjoying the good times rather than merely watching them. Good read.
DJ Young on 09.24.2010
Some writers have a cinematic talent – this ‘reads’ like a short film itself, could be a short film, easily – the story of it within the story of it. I want to know more though, who he was (if it matters), and what happened – but I also appreciate not being told everything. Your story leaves so much to the imagination, which is a very good thing.
DJ
The Four Part Land on 09.24.2010
@DJ As I mentioned in my prior comment, it’s Prometheus himself. Zeus decided on a new torture for the poor guy.
I think a short format has to leave a lot to the imagination. To fill in all the details takes something away from the piece, makes it staid and slow. It also lessens reader involvement, because they have to contribute less to the tale.
@Val I’m of the opinion it’s worse, that he had hope and love and it was taken away and twisted and used against him. That everything he had that once meant something to him is now warped out of all happiness.
Marisa Birns on 09.25.2010
There is nothing more tragic than the loss of hope. Such a severe punishment for Prometheus! Always loved reading Greek mythology but always taken aback by the cruelty of the gods when their wrath was awakened.
Wonderful update to the myth. Last line so very sad.
Pamila Payne on 09.26.2010
Beautiful, spare yet poetic, you captured the essence of the myth and created immediate empathy. Very well done.
A. S. Boudreau on 09.26.2010
This is so strong, so powerful and I just wanted to cry from the power of it. Very well done!
Icy Sedgwick on 09.26.2010
Very inventive take on an idea. It’s not just the Prometheus references, but also the nod towards the concept of the multiverse. Imagine if you had to watch each universe unfolding after you made a decision, but being unable to intervene…
Wonderful stuff.
KjM on 09.26.2010
Excellent reenvisioning of the myth. As you say, a harsher punishment. This holds within itself the poetry of the mythic tale.
And yes, that last line…
Very well done.
Kari Fay on 09.27.2010
Very interesting take on the myth. I didn’t catch the reference from the title at first, but then the liver line brought it to mind. Perhaps it could have been a little clearer, but I think it works.
~Tim on 09.28.2010
Nicely done. Great concept.
Linda on 09.28.2010
This makes me ache — in the best possible way :^). Super job on this. Peace…
The Four Part Land on 10.02.2010
Thank you all for the compliments.
@Marisa Greek tragedy always surprised me in how heartless it was. There’s never any question of if they’re going to bring a man low, just how far down can he be dragged.
@Kari I didn’t want it to be too overt, to take people away from the story before them. Just there as a nod towards people who knew the myth.
The last line just felt… right, and a perfect place to end the telling.