{"id":474,"date":"2011-04-21T08:42:44","date_gmt":"2011-04-21T13:42:44","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/thefourpartland.com\/blog\/?p=474"},"modified":"2011-04-21T08:42:44","modified_gmt":"2011-04-21T13:42:44","slug":"john-cleese-does-it-again","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/thefourpartland.com\/blog\/?p=474","title":{"rendered":"John Cleese does it again"},"content":{"rendered":"

This is an update of one of his older postings, and too damn funny to pass up on reposting.<\/em><\/p>\n

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Libya and have therefore raised their security level from \u201cMiffed\u201d to \u201cPeeved.\u201d Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to \u201cIrritated\u201d or even \u201cA Bit Cross.\u201d The English have not been \u201cA Bit Cross\u201d since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from \u201cTiresome\u201d to \u201cA Bloody Nuisance.\u201d The last time the British issued a \u201cBloody Nuisance\u201d warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.<\/p>\n

The Scots have raised their threat level from \u201cPissed Off\u201d to \u201cLet\u2019s get the Bastards.\u201d They don\u2019t have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.<\/p>\n

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from \u201cRun\u201d to \u201cHide.\u201d The only two higher levels in France are \u201cCollaborate\u201d and \u201cSurrender.\u201d The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France \u2018s white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country\u2019s military capability.<\/p>\n

Italy has increased the alert level from \u201cShout Loudly and Excitedly\u201d to \u201cElaborate Military Posturing.\u201d Two more levels remain: \u201cIneffective Combat Operations\u201d and \u201cChange Sides.\u201d<\/p>\n

The Germans have increased their alert state from \u201cDisdainful Arrogance\u201d to \u201cDress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs.\u201d They also have two higher levels: \u201cInvade a Neighbor\u201d and \u201cLose.\u201d<\/p>\n

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.<\/p>\n

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.<\/p>\n

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from \u201cNo worries\u201d to \u201cShe\u2019ll be alright, Mate.\u201d Two more escalation levels remain: \u201cCrikey! I think we\u2019ll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!\u201d and \u201cThe barbie is canceled.\u201d So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.<\/p>\n

\u2013 John Cleese \u2013 British writer, actor and tall person<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

This is an update of one of his older postings, and too damn funny to pass up on reposting. The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Libya and have therefore raised their security level from \u201cMiffed\u201d to \u201cPeeved.\u201d Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to \u201cIrritated\u201d or […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_is_tweetstorm":false,"jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":[]},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/pRIK4-7E","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":624,"url":"http:\/\/thefourpartland.com\/blog\/?p=624","url_meta":{"origin":474,"position":0},"title":"Bloody Peasants","date":"May 3, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"This is an excerpt from an upcoming Splintered Lands story titled Kingdoms in Conflict. Iudas grumbled when he looked out at the scene before him. It was all just taking too long. Too damn long. \u201cGather up those bloody peasants!\u201d Hearing his voice becoming annoyed, his men moved faster. They\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Other Writing"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":705,"url":"http:\/\/thefourpartland.com\/blog\/?p=705","url_meta":{"origin":474,"position":1},"title":"Pillowed Comforts, Part #12","date":"April 25, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"Whatever the reason, the creature was quite skilled at combat, regardless of the distractions constantly assaulting it. It was able to catch the chain of the electrical flail, preventing the head from causing anything more than a deep bruise, and duck under the other strike, while at the same time\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Arhosa"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":680,"url":"http:\/\/thefourpartland.com\/blog\/?p=680","url_meta":{"origin":474,"position":2},"title":"Soap Opera – Part #2","date":"February 26, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"A short story written for fun over the weekend. Will appear over the course of the week. The title is entirely temporary. \u201cYou.\u201d Jonah's consciousness woke from the suspend state he had put it into. Sleep was still a necessity to him, despite his entirely digital life. Otherwise things got\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Other Writing"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":82,"url":"http:\/\/thefourpartland.com\/blog\/?p=82","url_meta":{"origin":474,"position":3},"title":"Breaking an Empire, Part #8","date":"April 8, 2010","format":false,"excerpt":"The first time in two months I've written on this short story, and as part of The Four Part Land. It feels very good to get back into the flow of writing in my favorite setting. Here is another 1100 words for Breaking an Empire, bringing the total story to\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "The Four Part Land"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":454,"url":"http:\/\/thefourpartland.com\/blog\/?p=454","url_meta":{"origin":474,"position":4},"title":"Creating a Magic System, Part 4","date":"March 3, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"Part 1\u00a0-\u00a0Part 2\u00a0-\u00a0Part 3\u00a0-\u00a0Part 4\u00a0-\u00a0Part 5\u00a0-\u00a0Part 6 Over the course of the series, I've looked at how Strength and Prevalence affect a magic system and a setting, how Style and Powers shape and define that magic system, and finally how Magical Interaction and Items and Artefacts impact the setting and\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Tips"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":452,"url":"http:\/\/thefourpartland.com\/blog\/?p=452","url_meta":{"origin":474,"position":5},"title":"Breaking an Empire #21","date":"March 1, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"Later that evening, Rhocas returned to their camp for the first time in several days, nodding at all of those around him. He still wore his battered and dirty armour, and on the outside had not changed at all, but Rhy wondered if the nascent firemage stood with a straighter\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "The Four Part Land"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/thefourpartland.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/474"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/thefourpartland.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/thefourpartland.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/thefourpartland.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/thefourpartland.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=474"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/thefourpartland.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/474\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/thefourpartland.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=474"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/thefourpartland.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=474"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/thefourpartland.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=474"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}